I'll share some thoughts and what I did for mine.
Vans Wing kit options-
1. Landing lights- I will probably go with the sunspot LED landing light kit that vans supplies
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1. Wing and tail position/strobes.
What I did here was to use the Ziptips from Aveo, and order my wings without the wingtips. The product they have covers pretty much all your lighting requirements (unless you also want ice lights), with lights in the leading *and* trailing edges of the wingtip - this way I didn't have to run any wires into the rudder. On the downside, this means I'll want to trim down the bottom rudder fairing to remove the larger aft section meant for a light (but that's not required, I could just leave it).
2. Aileron trim- Will be doing this. "operates independently from autopilot". If I want an AP system does this mean I'll need different servos for that too? At what point do I need to start thinking about an AP system?
What I'm doing is considering that I'll *probably* go with a Garmin system, so accounting for the right mounting locations of the AP servos, sometimes leaving rivets out for later installing their brackets, etc.
The aileron servo kit from Vans works fine with most APs out there - in the case of Garmin, you run a pair of (shielded) wires from the AP servo to the trim servo. For me, that meant installing the trim servo on the *right* wing instead of left. Their kit is pretty easy to install, too.
2. Pitot (will probably upgrade to something heated)
This I did get in advance from Garmin, under the assumption that, worst case, I'll need to get a newer one and have wasted $500, but the mounting is pretty standard and shouldn't change. Consider where and how you'll mount it, and if you get one that has a controller box like the Garmin, where that'll go (easy to do before you close up your wings, no need to do that before you order them). Very likely, you'll need to cut a hole in your bottom wing skin for the mast/mount, which will be way easier to do before they're riveted on (post where I did mine:
https://www.airplane.build/2016/09/bottom-wing-skins-pitot-mount-and-flap.html )
Also, as you're building, it's very important to plan where the tubes will go through - if you need an additional set of holes for AoA, for instance, it'll be much, much easier to drill those before your wings are closed up. The wings come with one set of holes for pitot, but the Van's suggested pitot tube is very simplistic.
3. Stall horn (is this included in the wing kit?)
4. AOA
The horn is included, but you'll find various discussions on how people haven't been installing them, in favor of an AoA pitot tube which will give you similar information. Should still be easy to install later if you so decide (it's installed in the first area outboard of the fuel tank, so you'd just have to remove the tank)
5. Would like to do a Garmin IFR type setup /w AP, but I need to research this more. should I be looking into this now as well?
Take a look at what the systems look like - what the components are, where they have to be mounted, how they're connected, etc. but you can leave detailed planning for later.
When is the right time to get some wiring/crimping tools? Now? Or are they not needed until mid-way through the wings? (I'll probably splurge on the steinair master kit).
It's fine to leave for later, or to get now, up to you. There's almost nothing that you can't wire up later, if you're ok with working through inspection holes. Both the AP and trim servos go on or next to inspection holes, and you can probably install your heated pitot next to one as well.
Is that a good list? Is there anything else that I should be researching right now?
Here are a few other things I considered (but didn't necessarily choose to do) - links to my own build:
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Wing stands (so you don't take up 4-8 large workbenches to keep your wings on, and also to keep them later after they're complete). Relevant link:
https://www.airplane.build/2016/06/wing-stand.html
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Conduits: Also a debated topic, some people love it, some say it's wasted weight
I personally found them convenient and ran two through each wing (one for power, one for data and antenna cables). Link:
https://www.airplane.build/2017/05/wing-ribs-almost-complete.html
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Antennas: where do you plan to put yours? A lot of builders put a Bob Archer NAV antenna in the wingtip, which may be relevant for planning how you'll run wires later. Link:
https://www.airplane.build/2015/11/research-antennas.html
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Magnetometer: the two common places to install it are either inside the tailcone or on the wingtip.
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Fuel caps: the ones provided by Vans are horrible in both appearance and operation. Consider whether you'll want some other model before you build your tanks.
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Static discharge: this is a highly debated topic
but IF you decide you want to install static wicks, check out Dayton Granger's recommendation for where to install them, and plan accordingly. You can probably get 2 or 3 wicks and use them for measuring/verifying the mounting holes during the build, then only get the full number you need when you're ready to fly. Likewise, IF you decide you want bonding straps, especially on the ailerons, consider where those will go as you're building.
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De-icing: an uncommon option, but a leading-edge deice kit does exist for the RV10. It's heavy and expensive, including an additional alternator, but if you fly frequently in icing conditions (and you have a matching solution for the tail and prop in that regard), you can consider it. I'm not installing one, at least until the day I decide to fly to the SCRM airport
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Fuel return line: unless you're already decided on going with the standard engines offered by Van's (IO-540 or similar) with the standard fuel injection, you may want to leave yourself the option of having a fuel return line - most Diesels require one (e.g. the shiny new Continental CD230), and so do electronic fuel injection systems. Having at least a fuel return port in your tank leaves you that option for later (and if you don't need it, just put a cap on the port). Link:
https://www.airplane.build/2016/11/fuel-tank-assembly-complete.html