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Prospective Builder/How to Convince Your Wife??

Just Lucky, I guess!

First let me say, without my wife's support I would not be building, but it took some time to get her on board. This is how it has worked for me.

I have been married for 15 years to a wonderful woman who has known from day 1 of my love for flying. When we met I did not have the PPL, but I had fallen in love with flying when in the 82nd Airborne as a Cobra Crew Chief and I had stated my goal of getting the PPL.

In 2005, after 12 years of marriage we were in a position financially for me to take flying lessons and I earned my PPL. At the time she was happy to see me achieve my dream but stated she would not fly with me. After some prodding I convinced her to go up with me "just once". I took her out and flew her over our home and her work, and we survived (imagine that:eek:).

Next I worked on her to take a trip with me to Calloway Gardens for dinner, 1 hour flight each way and we returned at sunset, how romantic ;) - Almost hooked.

Finally I rented a 182 and we took some friends to the beach for the weekend, Got Ya!:D That was all it took, she's hooked on the travel possibilities of small airplanes and then I brought up the idea of building (we could have a plane faster than the 182 at 30% of the cost), SOLD!

Now she is my building partner, she loves it when its time to buck rivets - her favorite part. She spent our vacation last years at OSH and fully supports me. As others have said it gives me something to do that keeps me out of trouble and I keep reminding her of all the wonderful trips we will "share". Remember it?s always about her!!

The hardest part for me was trying to convince her the RV8 was the way to go. I wish I could say I got her a ride in one, but that wasn't it, I myself have not yet flown in an RV (all you guys better be right). I love the idea of tandem seating and but she didn't want to look at the back of my head all day. Well with the help of an article written on this forum by Kahuna's wife talking about the wonderful view from the back on his 8, she gave in. Thanks Kahuna!! (I did a search but I couldn't find it).

Now I have the Emp done, the wings are 80% done (sealing the tanks now) and I'm almost ready to order the Fuse. As I said I'm a lucky man and I look forward to many flying adventures with the wife, because as I said it?s all about her (yea right).
 
Support vs Indulgence

Early in our now-28 year marriage my wife overcame a severe tendency toward motion sickness and learned to enjoy being flown places, if not actually enjoying flying. I learned early on that her "love language" was togetherness, so merging my passion for flying with her enjoyment of traveling/family was pretty natural. Our three kids are now in college, as is she, and our six-year-long home building project is finished. She is grateful I have something so consuming to keep me out of trouble (because at 52 I'm drop dead handsome and absolutely make women swoon::rolleyes:) while she goes to school and works two part-time jobs that she dearly loves (teaching & nursing). She is pursuing her post-mom dreams, of which I am every bit as supportive as she has been of mine. Actively flying is a vivid, yet omnipresent memory and a not-too-far-off dream, but I keep her goals and passions on par with my own. My belief is that the build time, at least on a -4, is long enough that promises of adventure in exchange for her support will sallow long before first flight, ending in taudry credibility. The build is the journey and it's currently the defining part of me, so it's important and she understands that. I'm just fortunate that my building time doesn't compete with together time, because she's so busy. I make a real effort to make what little quality time we have together, "quality."
Really looking forward to slipping some surly bonds some day.......
 
How to convince your wife you need to build an RV

A good friend of mine just moved back to the Houston so they could be close to family. The problem is that he now finds himself working with two guys who have both built RV-8?s.

He wrote me an email which included the line, ?I was amazed at all the different topics on the forum. They really need a ?how to convince your wife you need to build an RV?.?

This friend has about 20 hours of C-120 time towards his PPL and would like to start on an -8 but the problem is his wife is not keen on the idea.

In addition, he knows how to work with tools, so building shouldn?t be an issue for him.

OK guys, please help out a brother and give him some suggestions on how to convince his SO that they need an RV.

(I know there are some threads on the subject but for the life of me, I couldn't find them.)
 
My advice

My wife's initial concern was that it wouldn't be safe. It was pretty easy to convince her that for what it would cost to build my RV9A I would end-up with a much safer, much more reliable and cost effective airplane than a used airplane would be for the same price. After my Cherokee 150 money pit that nearly fell apart from corrosion, this was pretty easy for her to appreciate. Also, and very important, the N-number I have reserved is a combination of our wedding anniversary and our first initials. I would have gone so far as to paint her name on the side in 12 inch letters if that's what it took... :)
 
Tell her about all the cool places you can go to for weekend getaways.
From Houston...Colorado, Florida, Baja, Cancun?
 
Or...

..as the late Gordon Baxter once said, "I had that problem with my first wife." :D

John Clark ATP, CFI
FAA FAAST Team Member
EAA Flight Advisor
RV8 N18U "Sunshine"
KSBA
 
Suggest she use the 'Advanced Search' feature of the forums to pull up all of Scott Schmidt's fine travel write-ups. A family exploring the world via RV.

1. Go to 'Advanced Search': http://www.vansairforce.com/community/search.php

2. Enter the info like in the picture here:

21ean89.jpg


It will return real motivational gems, like this one:
http://www.vansairforce.com/community/showthread.php?t=63956 for starters.

I bet Scott sells a lot of folks on the idea of a RV without realizing it.


br,
dr
 
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John Clark said:
..as the late Gordon Baxter once said, "I had that problem with my first wife." :D

John Clark ATP, CFI
FAA FAAST Team Member
EAA Flight Advisor
RV8 N18U "Sunshine"
KSBA
Click to expand...


Man, I miss Gordon Baxter, I have 2 original drawings that he made for me hanging on my wall.............
 
The best thing to convince my wife

My mother-in-law live at 900 km of my home. (and it's perfect like that....)
Since 2 years ago, I have a Cherokee, and it's only 3 hours of flight. (We have to make a big detour by surface..) Since this time, she never want to take the car ! But, when I tell that we can make the ride in less than 2 hours in RV-7, she give me the ok to buy the RV !!! :D
Seeing my mother-in-law more often are a small sacrifice to have a RV !! ;)
 
I have found from teaching classes that wives who come to the classes and learn along with their husbands find the process very enjoyable. They are often better than the husbands at the detail work so there is no ego allowed. I also think that the wives see it as something fun and 'unconventional' that will allow them to spend time together, rather than looking at it as something that will make their spouse disappear into the garage for 3-4 years. Once they start the building process the safety thing takes care of itself. Often we found that wives just like to know that they are needed in the project and can help when two hands are not enough.

Think like a car dealer or real estate agent and show her the cri-cri first and tell her that you think that would be a lot of fun. Mention that used weed eater engines are cheap and that they used two because they are not very reliable... then say that there is this other one that we could fly in as a family and travel with and take her to DR's link above.

On the down side, my wife now thinks that I am part moth. Every time we pass a brightly lit garage at night I have and urge to stop and see what someone is working on. :D
 
Find some local RV folks and get to know them. Introduce her to the social aspect of the RV world. She will get to talk to all the other people in the group that have a spouse building/flying an RV. It will help her to understand that we really aren't that crazy and that real people actually do this. Now my wife is the one who wants to drive through the airport on the way home. My good friend Tom Berge gave my wife her first RV ride. After she spent an hour in his plane...the deal was made. We have some great friends in the RV/airplane world. That is part of building a plane that you may not quite comprehend yet but it is one of the best parts of building an RV!!
DSC_0043.jpg
 
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I've read it on a foreign forum and I know the guy. So RV-10 builder got ultimatum: " Either airplane or I". In split second he said - airplane. :eek: The other half stayed silent for a second, thinking, then said What am I talking about? The dinner is not cooked and dishes are dirty... :)

RV10 is flying now and everybody is happy. What a smart lady!
 
Draw a circle on map around your airport at one hour out, two, three, etc. and show her how far you can go in just a few hours on a weekend.
 
Toys such as a RV cost 2x what you think. The other 1x is for her toys. Ends doubt instantly...
 
John Clark said:
..as the late Gordon Baxter once said, "I had that problem with my first wife." :D...
Click to expand...
Bax was the best! RIP Gordon Baxter.


aarvig said:
Find some local RV folks and get to know them. Introduce her to the social aspect of the RV world. ..
Click to expand...
That is exactly what my wife said.

Pallet said:
Draw a circle on map around your airport at one hour out, two, three, etc. and show her how far you can go in just a few hours on a weekend.
Click to expand...
I still have my map in the basement with the circles on it.
 
Tell her...........

your retiring and you will be spending much more time at home. That was good for an RV6, a new hangar with an apartment and currently she wants me to start working on an RV10. Go Figure............
 
Take your time and gently lead her

There are lots of great ideas in this thread. I can tell you what I did.

I took Jamie to some fly-ins to see all the airplanes. Make it a fun date! Take her out to dinner or do something afterwards that SHE wants to do. I arranged for a friend to take her up on a ride. She loved it. I invited her to some monthly meetings. It made it all real to her. I'll invite her to sit on my lap with me and we'll read a travel adventure online that someone posted with lots of pictures, so we can dream of all the great places we'll fly to someday. Doug Reeves is spot on with this one! Or watch a short video together. I'm sharing my excitement with her, and showing her that it's all for her, too. After all, I don't want to fly off somewhere alone. I ask her opinions on things like upholstery patterns and colors, what kind of paint job looks good, and so on. It gets her involved and she knows her opinions matter to me. After a very long drive or trip in the car, casually mention "we could have flown an RV there in an hour" or whatever. Remember, things that are obvious to you don't even cross her mind.

She doesn't usually come to chapter meetings with me because frankly, there aren't very many girls there and she feels out of place. "It's a guy thing." So when she does come, I go out of my way to connect her to one of the few ladies who may be there. These have been wonderful experiences for her, to hear firsthand from one of the ladies how much she enjoys the airplane, the places they have gone, etc. And she makes a new friend.

If you have a spouse who is shaking her head or frowning on the whole idea, you're not going to convince her overnight. This is a project in itself. Don't look at it as having to wear her down until she finally gives up. That's a losing proposition. Take your time and know when to lay off for a while.

As far as the money issues are concerned, this can be big. Jamie overheard many conversations I had with others about the financial advantages of the project; how this isn't like spending money on any ordinary hobby. It's an investment that will hold its value, along with my sweat equity. That was far better than preaching it to her face.

Ask some other ladies how they became supportive, and listen carefully. You'll learn something.

Finally, you may have to resign yourself to compromise when it comes to which model you're going to build. I know my wife won't take a back seat. If she's going to fly with me, it's a side-by-side for sure. But as Ken Scott says, the RV-7 flies the same as the RV-8. It's the same tail, same wings, same engine and prop options. The only difference is the view out the window. Is that such a bad compromise?
 
Buy her everything (that you can afford) that her heart desires for about thirty years, then make the suggestion! (Doesn't mean you can slow down the pace; still got to balance shop time and spouse time!!)
Fagg
 
BSwayze said:
After a very long drive or trip in the car, casually mention "we could have flown an RV there in an hour" or whatever.
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I do that ALLL the time! Except it's usually DURING the drive when there's another 3 1/2 hours or so to go- "We'd be there by now IF.....":D
 
1:1 Scale said:
I do that ALLL the time! Except it's usually DURING the drive when there's another 3 1/2 hours or so to go- "We'd be there by now IF.....":D
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Funny I do that on every car trip... 'and right now we would be entering the pattern if we were in the RV'
 
some people

Some people just do not like to travel, or leave home. The garden, or art, or bridge club, is their interest.
Sometimes with some people,,,,,, it may be that Gordan Baxter was right.;)
 
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I asked my wife if she'd like to get away for a "romantic weekend" to Casselton, ND. We spent time with Bob Miller at his hangar who'd built RV-8 Dakota Boy and is now building an 8A. Aftwards we drove north to meet with Lance and his family while they were finishing up his 8 with all the tall guy mods. She was very impressed with how nice they were and willing to help and motivate. One the drive home she said she thinks it's something we "need" to do.
 
Suggestion

You could let your wife buy a horse (assuming she likes horses) and that will just about equal the cost of an RV in the long run?
 
Bingo...

Tumper said:
You could let your wife buy a horse (assuming she likes horses) and that will just about equal the cost of an RV in the long run?
Click to expand...

HA! You have no idea how close you nailed this one in regards to my household. The good news is we got to use the RV a few times to go visit the horse this summer at the KSU Equine Hospital!! (I'm pretty sure we financed a new addition on this fine facility). Made the RV look pretty good.
 
You might try taking your wife to a riveting class (before even deciding to build a plane). My wife totally dug it so we started building.
 
don't

I never tried to convince my wife WE BOTH needed to build an RV because that's never going to be the case and she's no fool. I just convinced her that I really wanted to do so and that there would be some tangible benefits for both of us when finished. Her response was that as long as anytime she needed me to help her with kids/household stuff I wouldn't hesitate to switch gears and do it. She figured out for herself that as an engineer I was always off building or tinkering with something so there was no difference and I was spending hours building and flying RC planes and away from the house for hours on weekends flying or playing sports so at least this way I was actually even closer to her and the young kids on average.

Now that the plane is done and she as well as the kids all put some time into the build process, the family thinks of it as "our family" plane and my wife has multiple pictures of it and her in it in in her office at work along with other stuff she loves like her dogs. Once when I said I was going to sell it to go full time into an aerobatic plane she protested the most and told me to keep the plane and just partner on an Pitts. Her parents and family live 3 flying hours to the minute away and it saves a horribly long and boring drive. That's the icing on the cake but she didn't feel that way before the buy/build process.

Don't force anything is all I'm saying or you'll likely end up all by yourself as I've seen quite a few end up that way.
 
my story....

Here's how I justified my project to myself & the wife:

1. My part time business was generating $XX per month surplus

2. Interest rates are so low, its hardly worth banking the money. The stock market? forgetaboutit!

3. I needed something to occupy my extra time. I can only stand working in my home office about 3 -4 hours per day. i've always like to build stuff.

4. At the end of it all, I'd have something useful of value.

5. I've always been interested in aviation & I was 54 yr old & not getting any younger.

So, I jumped in.

Now I have a flying airplane!

Funny thing is, the economy is now down such that my business has not been generating enough surplus dollars to build an airplane.

Luckily, I finished my project just in time:D

Go for it if you can!

Dave
-9A
 
Tell her you want some airplane parts for your birthday and that you'll order them so she won't need to worry about it. Then for each Father's day, Christmas, birthday, etc. keep asking for more parts as your gift.

I just got a delivery of some parts in the mail today. They're for Valentines day of 2022...
 
I think I found another way for my friend to convince his wife they NEED an airplane.

This morning we loaded up a friend's RV-10 with my wife, son, myself, and the -10 owner and flew from Charlotte to Chattanooga (FGU formerly known as 3M3). That is a 5.5 to 6 hour drive in the best of times. With 50 kt headwinds we still made it there in less than two hours of very smooth flying, had lunch, left the wife and son with Grandma, and returned home in less time than the one way trip and not much more cost in fuel.

In speaking to my wife when I returned home, she told me to start pounding rivets on a -10. (That would be nice but it isn’t going to happen any time soon.)
 
Grandchildren make it easy....

When the first grandchild arrived, that made it easy. Traveling to SOCAL from Tucson was either 8 hours in the car ending in LA traffic nightmare, the TSA nightmare and more traffic from LAX, or 2.5 hours in the 9A to a field 2 miles from the baby.
 
Give and Take

Dora and I have had a more than a few discussions about how to spend our time and recources. There are all the common needs of the family that need to be met first. The remainder requires the each of us be willing to develope an intrest in what the other is doing. She has opened my eyes to many wonderfull experiances that I would not otherwise had. Like watching my sons face light up when a live symphony plays the first few notes, that memory still brings tears to my eyes. Flying just for the sake of flying is not her thing, but she is open to experiancing moments in the air because it is something I love.
We make an effort to be fair with discresionary income, however the running joke (no joke really) is "Honey, can I have some money? Yes, how much? All of it!" This works both ways.
Wives (or husbands) kids and airplanes, how much money does it take? ALL OF IT!
 
She has a horse

I had to upgrade the airplane just to keep up with her spending on her hobby..Easy, but good job we don't have kids..:)

Frank
 
I see you have lots of responses

If you have to convince her I think the time is not right. You have the aptitude and education to do the job but you seem to be spread across a lot of pleasure interests and you are wanting to build an aircraft when you don't even have a license to fly or any private aircraft pilot in command travel experience. I think I can appreciate her reluctance. If you really want to do this thing I think it is best to have the patience of Job and work on the private pilot certificate, then plan and do some travel in a private aircraft with her to unique places for your combined pleasure, earn an instrument rating and build your (her included) combined experience and competence. Study the kit world and build your awareness of what is available and the pros and cons of the various airplanes that continue to evolve. Building is a several year commitment and it is not without several serious risks personally, mechanically, electronically, leagally, financially, accidentally, aeronautically, medically and maritally. The commitment is so large for most working people that it either can't be completed or it is an all consuming terminal path to one special interest to the exclusion of all others. Are you really ready for that? I think you should take advantage of the path you are already on, savor the experience, preserve your options and not crush the golden opportunity that you have in front of you in haste for satisfying your current desire. I think that if you show commitment over time the value will become obvious and she will be a part of the process in getting and building a plane.

By the way, how has it worked out for you over these 3.5 years since your original post?

Bob Axsom
 
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How Far Can You Go in a Day?

She already knows how far she can go in a car in a day. It's roughly from your place to Boulder, CO. In a Cessna 172, she can go almost twice that far. In an RV, she can easily go three times that and be there in time for dinner.

Another way to look at it is to think of a week's vacation, and compare the stay time versus the traveling time in a car or Cessna 172 or the RV.

Avoiding bad weather is much, much easier in a fast plane than a slow one. The RV will cut weather delays in half compared to the Cessna 172, and that's a big deal.

All this is day VFR, it's the only way I fly.

Dave
Cessna 180, about 15% slower than an RV
 
Need Help Convincing Wife!

Fellow aviation enthusiasts, I have quite a dilemma! I've always been interested in aviation and have flown R/C since the young age of 14 when my dad introduced me to the sport. I've always wanted to fly the "real" thing, but never took the plunge. It had always interested me, but I never took it as a priority.

Well, fast forward some 27 years and my lovely wife surprised me for my 40th birthday with a flight lesson. Needless to say, that sparked a fire within that I can't seem to put out (Mind you, I don't want to either)! I'm in the process of finishing my certification and only lack a check ride. So, I'm very excited to say the least.

Now comes the fun part. While I appreciate the 172SP's with G1000 that I've been training in, that time is closing fast. I will be paying a minimum of $150/hr plus fuel just to get a few hours flight time in a month. My wife knows as much as I love to fly, this going to be an expensive habit to support. We are both to the conclusion that it's a lot like renting a house or any other piece of merchandise. Why pay for the rental fee, when we could put the same amount of money into the cost of ownership.

Ok, now that you have a little back ground, here's where I need help, advice, SOMETHING. I'm very much into the Experimental aircraft scene and have no issues at all either building or purchasing a well built VANS. She on the other hand doesn't like the fact of it being built by a "non-certified" individual. As I've told my wife individuals who put that much time and energy into an aircraft don't take short cuts on safety because it's what they love.

My wife on the other hand want's a Piper, Cessna, or even a Cirrus just because it's "certified". I try to tell her the guy building the plane get's paid an hourly rate to do it because he has to.. it's a job. The guy who built one on his own, 99% of the time does it out of love for his passion of flying. Even though the company is certified, doesn't necessarily make him any more of a skilled worker than the guy building one in his garage.

I want to be able to fly at a reasonable price and it still be FUN. Not some burden where I'm afraid to fly because of maintenance cost, annuals, etc.

So, does anyone have any advice or guidance? Have any of you been through this before? Any groups of Van's owners in the South Alabama (Fairhope) area that she can take a look at or even watch the process? I've ordered the DVD media kit from Van's and really hope I can get here to come around.

Thanks for all the answers, guidance and input.

Happy flying and may many safe landings be in your future....

Best Regards,
Philip Abernathy
 
Take her to OSH and let her meet other builders and their spouses. It does wonders on changing their perspective, at least it did with mine.

Do you have an active EAA chapter with homebuilders? Take her to visit some projects.
 
I beat Mike to it...nah nah nah

Welcome To VAF!!!

Get her a ride in a good experimental airplane with a good pilot, no show offs, show her the performance and maintenance cost differences from a certified. Show her the different prices in insurance, they deal with risk, so that may help. Buy her flowers, hug her everyday. Hope and pray. Get your pilots license if you haven't yet, dont wait.

bird
 
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