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life happens... would really appreciate your opinions

K

KayS

Well Known Member
Hey Guys,

imagine the following situation:

you are a 35 year-male engineer from germany, working in the usa in a international project. your company in germany sent you to alabama until december 2010. one year ago you thought "ok let's build a rv-7 here". you were fast and built the tail, wings, fuse. and the finishing kit is laying around in the shop. and then you ordered an engine for 29k (fully paid already) which is still in the assembling process somewhere in canada. imagine the airplane would be your dream since childhood and is supposed to fly in germany later on. you do good but you are not a millionaire.

and here comes the part that complicates all: your girlfriend. she's in switzerland and you just can see her once in a month for a long weekend. (thanks god, all the home-flights are paid by the company). imagine she really doesn't like the idea of flying a self-build airplane because she doesn't like flying at all, but she really is the most nice and beautiful woman you've ever seen in your life. then a phonecall from her 2am at night wakes you up... "honey, i'm at the doctor, i'm happy and pregnant, can't wait to get the baby from you, i love you, bye..." (shortened version)

you never spent any thoughts in your live about children, but you love her and you feel "ok, then let's start a family"

when your brain doesn't feel like scrambled eggs anymore... what would you do?

Kay
 
What would you do?

Now more then ever you need to finish building the RV. A new wife that doesn't like flying and a new baby you will want to relief that going out and flying your own RV will bring.
 
i've seldom appreciated any decisions i've made at the request or on the behalf of a woman

that being said, i rarely do so anymore- this seems to work well, hope it helps you

congrats on being a father, I agree with the guy above me here, finish the plane as quickly as you can, take her up when she's ready for it- she'll understand and accept it as a part of you
 
it's obvious

The finish kit is in the shop - you've got work to do...:rolleyes:
I have no clue about the other part...:confused:
 
Women are great, kids are great, and planes are great. Keep them all. Things have a way of working out.

Unless you're loaded you're not going to be able to fly all the time anyway. Have it be a you thing like golfing, fishing, hunting, etc. There will be plenty of time leftover for everything else.
 
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Opinion

Since you asked..
1. Dont do anything quickly. There is no huge rush to make THE decision. Think it through....when you finally make a decision...sleep on it and ensure you can live with the consequences...no regrets and move forward.

2. Keep building while you think about it. There is no rush to finish the plane, use up the supplies and parts on hand and keep yourself busy and occupied. If you decide it has to go...dont rush that either, no need to fire sale a nice project.

3. She better be really wonderful if there is a chance you will have to give up your dream...you may always regret that and even subconsciously hold it against here which would not be good.

4. RV's seem to last longer than most women if you read the posts on here.:rolleyes: Cant speak from experience....but just from reading others posts...havent found anyone who gave up the dream and sold and didnt have regrets.

5. If finances allow and you decide you wont keep the plane long term, finish the build as time allows and then sell down the road as a complete package. You will have built a plane, recouped most money and had lots of time to ponder the decisions.

Best I got. Enjoy life the way YOU want...you only get one kick at the cat.
 
Kay,
You asked for opinion. And mine is different. Sell the project as it is, take all you building experience and money and enjoy your lady and kid at home. Then come back and build another one.
 
Kids

Skybolt Al said:
Teach that kid to fly.
Click to expand...

Amen to that.

Go into the "Best of the Best" thread on this forum (on the main page) and read "Why Buy an Airplane." That one just might inspire you.

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best!
 
Congratulations

Kay,
You'll eventually appreciate the congrats, although you may not now.

This more or less happened to me. I was not overseas, but I was working on my finishing kit on the '9 and my wife and I had basically decided that kids just weren't going to happen. ... But it did.

I kept on building and when I flew the airplane my son was 9 months old. And a few months later he was one of my first passengers. My wife could'nt care less about the airplane but is happy to have Michael and I fly together. Hopefully that will happen with you.

Don't make any irrevocable decisions. It will probably take longer to finish than 9 months anyway.

One thing is for sure. I bet you'll like being a father more that you think you will (at least after the first couple of years :D)

Also, call me and lets go flying, you need a fix!
 
Love does not demand

Any woman who truly loves you will not try to change who you are and what you love to do. That never works out in the long run. You will both change over the years and you need to start now with the idea to accept each other as you are, not to make demands on each other to give up things or to change each other.

A candid discussion between you of each of your desires and wishes and life goals is in order. Love is a wonderful thing and brings with it great joy and satisfaction if it is not demanding of the other.

Gary Specketer
 
you are still going to be here til december, might as well push on with the plane building as much as you can. I would try to get it flying before you have to leave.

you've still got 5 months or so, and you've got some real motivation now
 
Kay, I was almost exactly your age when I started building my RV-6. Susie and I had a daughter that had just learned to walk when the emp kit arrived.

IMHO, don't rush anything....don't sell anything unless cashflow is a real issue. I literally signed a contract that was witnessed by friends and hung on the refridgerator for years - "I will not work more than ten hours per week on this plane. And, if you need me for family stuff and I'm in the garage I'll stop what I'm doing without complaint." She never abused it, it was just a way for me to promise her the project wouldn't become THE thing in my life.

It has a way of working out, and you'll need to have something right there at the house as a way to decompress on occasion. Something fifteen steps away (garage) that you can go to for thirty minutes or so every day or two.

It'll work out. You'll adapt and learn to make it all work. It just pushes the timeline out a little longer than you initially planned, but you're 35, so are well ahead of the game.

My wife told me point blank "build the plane of your dreams, but our kids won't fly in it until they are 18". That mindset lasted just a few years <g>. One day she said, "Audrey's driving me crazy...please go take her flying."

Like I said....it has a way of working out if you just let it happen. And it's more enjoyable, also.

Congratulations!!! A kid is way cooler than any airplane, and even though you didn't plan this, you've given this child an amazing thing already - the possibility that they'll never know life without an airplane in the family. My kids brag about this (now 15 and 9).

Now married over 20 years. She has her passions and I have mine - we pull for each other.
 
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R E S P E C T

It is in a woman's nature to constantly test her man. If you really want to have & fly your plane, you need to pass the test:

"Honey I love you, but I am going to keep and fly my plane"

This is just one test of many, but if you fail too many tests, and become a beta male conformer, she will lose all respect for you and the relationship is doomed.
 
I agree with Nucleus

I would build the plane and live up to my responsibilities period. If that works, fine if not it is best to deal with this mess up front.

Bob Axsom
 
Congrats

A lot of good advises here by others and here is my two cents on it.

Any project is replaceable but a family is not. Don't rush things (both building and the decision making). If you are going to build, you need to make sure you are doing as best of a job with it as you can since you may be putting your kid in that plane one day soon.
 
I agree...

with Vlad. We all have responsibilities in life that interfere with airplane building and flying. If you have a wonderful woman and now a child on the way, prioritize them to the top of the list. Down the road, you will get to finish this project or else a different one. In five or ten years, who knows what airplanes will be out there. The RV-17 maybe. This child will bless your socks off and the joy of a family can be the greatest project ever if not the most challenging. A plane is a thing. People matter more and a child matters even more. Congratulations.

Bill Near
 
Your mind was made up before you asked the question. Obviously asking this question on the Vans Aircraft Forum you anticipated support from fellow builders. Had you asked this question on the Oprah show you could guess which way that would go.
All joking aside--family first is the logical priority to live by but that doesn't mean you have to give everything else up, just put it in it's proper place. Women like to mold their lump of clay but she knew before getting serious with you that you were a builder and pilot. Don't cave, be a good father but maintain who you are also.
 
I thought........

........your girlfriend. she's in switzerland and you just can see her once in a month for a long weekend..........

I thought the Swiss were supposed to be neutral............ maybe that is just in reference to politics.........

Kids and planes are great. Best times in the plane involve offspring in the right seat!!!
 
It could be worse...

Hi Kay,

Welcome to the club of ‘what the ****…’ and remember that no matter how hard life is, there is always someone out there more screwed up than you are…

My wife is not very keen on flying. I manage to get her to fly with me occasionally in a Luscombe, but she was always afraid of flying (incidentally Ryanair scares her more than I do which says something about the quality of my landings – or theirs?).

To reduce the boredom of working away from home 5 days a week and having nothing to do in the evenings, I bought an RV6 and keep it in the garage of where I work during the week (luckily the company pays for that flat). Then about three months ago, impatience and stupidity took over and I bought another almost finished (95% done, 95% to go…) RV6 - that is now at a strip whilst I finish all the bits. Yes I know - who in their right mind would have two unfinished RV6s…

Then about two weeks after I carted the new RV6 into the hangar, we had to move as the wife had a new job which left the almost finished RV6-2 at the strip about an hour and a half away. So I have ended up spending every weekend in a tent in the hangar (yes there are rats next to the hangar, but they are friendly and don’t tend to come inside). It will be flying in about a month, so hopefully I will soon get to sleep in a bed at the weekends again.

So my week nights consist of building the RV6-1 in the garage (now at canopy stage) and the weekends are at the strip working on flight controls on RV6-2. We have agreed a ‘do not work past 4pm rule’ on Sundays, so that I can drive back, shower and get ready for work on Monday.

I should also add at this point that we do not have a house (for some reason can not afford one) and live in temporary rented accommodation - but I keep telling her that we could make a nice home under the wings

However a couple of months ago, she showed me one of those little pregnancy/shock/scare indicators…

Now I may be a bad example, but I will not be selling either of the RV6s. Babies should not change your dreams, just your timing and planning. I want to be a good father and part of that is creating something that can be passed on and part is also being a happy father who does not begrudge or regret anything. I hope that the wife finds it easier to fly in the RV6 when it is ready and the unfinished RV6 will be a good project for those rainy days.

My intention is to pull the kid out of school at the age of 11, for a year to build an RV12 together – as I think that would be a fantastic education (whatever they want to become, building an RV will be a good foundation – whether that be engineer, doctor or computer nerd), then I can teach the kid to fly and at age 17 hand them the keys and say Happy Birthday - its yours.

So carry on building otherwise you will regret it and feel free to use me as an example of how your girlfriend could have it much worse.

I know one thing, I really envy you living in Alabama, I keep trying to get my company to send me out to the USA, but no luck – seem to be stuck in the UK…
 
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gimp2x said:
i've seldom appreciated any decisions i've made at the request or on the behalf of a woman

that being said, i rarely do so anymore- this seems to work well, hope it helps you
Click to expand...

Agreed. After 2 divorces, I'm done trying to "fit" what she wants me to be. Can't tell you what to do, but when it comes to changing yourself and your dreams drastically to fit someone else, caution is advised. It does not often end well.
 
Be a good Dad...finish the plane

Embrace fatherhood. Raising a child is one of the most rewarding experiences life has to offer. You should be committed to your family, but that doesn't mean you have to to give up things that are important to you. Above all, you have to be true to yourself. In the end, if you're not happy, your family won't be happy.

Be a good Dad for your child.

Finish the plane for you.
 
Good Morning,

first of all... thank you so much for all the advises/opinions!

yesterday my head was really smashed. but now sleeping one night over it, the feeling went from total-brain-emptyness to happiness. :) the most important thing is that she is doing good. she is very optimistic, happy and relativley relaxed. we want the child and we hope that she doesn't loose it.

i will fly to europe on thursday to see her, we will have a lot to talk about. many questions for which i don't have any answers yet. she is a swiss- italian that lives and works in switzerland and WAS supposed to go to australia this year, me a german living currently in the usa that has still a job and appartment in munich-germany. and now there's a third person with a yet unknown sex/citizenship but with a lot of attention. :) you see, the situation is a bit more complex than usually, but we will find a solution for everything!

regarding that huge cool thing in my shop.. the decision is to make no decision. i will keep it and move on. cash flow is not an issue and probably it will not be a problem the next time. so i will keep it but i will stop any big investments like avionics/prop which i wanted to order yesterday! beginning of next year i will not touch the project for a unknown period of time anyway. until then there is still a lot of work to do and i can add this stuff later. for the angine (io-375) which is still at aerosport, i don't know....

nadja never made any moves to force me to end the project. she's not that kind of person that wants to change me but she's just scared that something could happen. i really want to finish the plane. it's a wonderful machine but it's still just a piece of metal with a lot of wires in it. when time shows that it's much better for the family to sell the plane in whatever stage, i will sell it (and order a new tail from van's the same day :) ). time will tell.

one cool thing to add... until yesterday i was the most no-children / non-family / slovenly life type of guy i knew. and now, just one day later, i can't wait to live with my girl together and grow a baby. :)

i thought that i would know myself....

@ david: i don't know if i still need a fix. but i will give you a call next week. wold be so great, i pay for the gas...

Kay
 
Kay,

Just shows what we all know, life isn't about the destination, it's the journey. And I love the Lenon quote about life's what happens while you're busy making other plans! It's interesting and fun to share with other people and get their 2 cents worth, particularly those who have a common interest (such as in building RV's). But the bottom line is that it's your decision and you probably can come to the conclusion on what the right thing to do for both of you is. Trust yourself and then do what's right. Good luck. :)
 
petehowell said:
........your girlfriend. she's in switzerland and you just can see her once in a month for a long weekend..........

I thought the Swiss were supposed to be neutral............ maybe that is just in reference to politics.........

Kids and planes are great. Best times in the plane involve offspring in the right seat!!!
Click to expand...


yes the swiss are neutral. but that doesn't mean that you can't take their woman. :)
 
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